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Tuesday, July 10, 2012

life is certainly throwing me curveballs.

i enjoyed a very lovely spring full of travel and adventure. i saw family and friends. i spent a lot of time outside. i even made it to my first weekend music festival in joshua tree.

i'd be lying, though, if i said that life has been peachy keen.

at the end of may, a tragic accident ended the life of my coworker, roommate and friend, heather. this isn't the first time i've tragically lost a friend, but it still hit me hard. she was struck by a truck while jogging and killed instantly. the accident happened two days before the end of the high trails season. i only had a few days to pull myself together before traveling up the coast to start my summer job at the hidden villa summer camp. i still don't quite know how i eventually packed my things up in storage in big bear, loaded up my car and drove up the coast.

the coast was beautiful. i travelled with my friend victoria, and we spent a couple days finding the perfect beaches nestled away from civilization to camp and begin the healing process.

after those days, though, i found myself in an entirely different world at hidden villa with curveballs being thrown in every direction.

at high trails, i've become so accustomed to the high desert with it's dry foliage and lack of green. hidden villa is a lush farm (still dry, but not a desert) where i can't escape the sounds of chickens, pigs, goats, sheep and cows that surround the house i share with dozen other camp staff and farm interns. town is only a 10 minute drive away. my job as the food service manager is much more demanding than i thought. once i finally thought i had a handle on everything, i broke my toe and found out one of my kitchen staff had to be let go from background check issues.

i spent the first month at hidden villa thinking i would give up, pack up my car and head home. dealing with the emotional roller coaster of grieving without a reliable support network, starting a new job i struggle to find joy in and not doing a great job of taking care of myself has taken a toll. i decided to stick with it, though, and i'm glad i have. although i'd like to stop dodging curveballs life has thrown at me lately, i'm slowly letting the beauty of this place and the people i'm surrounded with fill my heart.

i've always prided myself on being a positive person, but somewhere in the past month, i've lost my positivity mojo. i'm seeing it come back in small doses, though. i feel it when i laughed for ten minutes straight about nothing at all. i feel it when i visited the farm of a close friend and saw the joy she lives in every day. i feel it when i saw fireworks on the 4th of july and laughed so much that the couple in front of me turned around to smile.

i'm looking forward to the days when my heart feels stronger and my self-confidence returns. when i feel content and happy again. when i can accept that everything in life happens for a reason. until then...i'm going to keep dodging the curveballs.